The Discard Phase is just as it sounds: the MN has used up the victim and is moving on. The MN might as well be tossing out a sock with a hole in it – the Discard is done with that little regard for the human being the MN likely now totally despises. At this stage, the MN has found a suitable new victim and has either moved into a relationship with the new person, or is about to. Bear in mind, the new person may not be headed into a relationship with the MN; but no matter, the MN is certain the new victim will be the next prize.
While the MN is busy Idealizing the new person, the abuse and disregard for the old victim builds to an almost intolerable level. The MN no longer cares whether the victim stays or goes. The MN may even leave the victim. Whatever happens, the MN is finished with the victim and won’t even bother putting on a pretense of caring. If the victim is lucky, he/she will find out what the MN is up to. As difficult and heartbreaking as this can be, it helps to explain why things have been so skewed in the relationship. It could also completely devastate the victim, as they often have no clue about the MNs outside activities.
The unlucky victim will be discarded not knowing why, but left with the feeling that they are the cause of the end of the relationship. Depending on the length of the relationship and the severity of the abuse, the MN may well leave behind a completely broken human being. If the victim has become withdrawn and estranged from family and friends, this can be a particularly difficult time with no support system.
As hard as being discarded is, it is important for the victim to reach out rather than wallow in a pool of self-blame. It is often at this stage thatvVictims start putting the pieces together and stumble on information about Malignant Narcissists.
If you are reading this blog and any of this resonates with you (or if you know someone who has been in a Narcissistic Relationship), it is important to find someone to connect with who can help you through what’s going to be a very rough patch. Whether you choose a Pastor, Therapist, Life Coach or someone else, it’s important that the person you connect with has an understanding of Narcissistic Relationships, the phases they go through, and the abuse victims suffer. At this point, the worst thing that can happen to a victim is to begin rebuilding their life with someone who doesn’t have a firm grasp on what NMs do to their victims.
Rebuilding a life after Narcissistic Abuse is like a baby learning to walk again. Not only can the victim reclaim what was taken, but it is possible to move farther beyond what they imagine! Recovery doesn’t happen overnight, but with persistence and determination, the victim can begin to see a light at the end of what has been a very long and very dark tunnel.
Written by: Joy Dalcoste