Do you ever have those days when the thought of going to the store is so overwhelming that you start feeling like you can’t fit in your skin? You get hot (yet your finger tips and toes are freezing), anxious, nauseous, paranoid everyone will notice you, and that feeling like you want to crawl out of your too tight skin. That is how it is for me some days. I will get so worked up I actually start vomiting. Roughly 97% of the people in my life have no idea I have this. Most know me as my alter ego. That face I put on for the world of an extroverted, happy-go-lucky goofball with a dirty sense of humor. Yes, that is me too but not most of the time. The real me battles her moods and anxiety every day. I used to have to give public briefings to an audience of 3 to 25 people on a daily basis. When I was low I could usually talk someone into doing the brief for me. When I was manic I was thoroughly engaged and could take on the world. They used to compliment my briefings for their information and engagement. Now the thought of hitting up Mejers is enough to make me sick to my stomach. I still haven’t figured out what triggers it yet. It doesn’t happen when I am manic, it only occurs on normal or down days.
I feel like if I go I won’t be able to breath. Like someone has sucked the life-giving air out of my lungs and left me to fade away. I have a panic form of anxiety that is accompanied by PTSD. I am not ready to go into the reason for the PTSD just yet but it can lead to these crippling states I go through. The link https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/info/anxiety has a good synopsis of different forms of anxiety.
Over the last few years I have been taking a fast-acting benzodiazepine to help alleviate and potentially stop the attacks. This worked for the most part. I could slip a tablet under my tongue and within a few minutes, which felt like an eternity, I started to settle down. That was all fine and good until it became an issue in conjunction with another medication I take. Because they both suppress the respiratory system my doctor said I had to choose one or the other. I chose the other because it is more of a frequent need.
Now what do I do you might ask? I suffer through it. I try breathing exercises, locking myself in my room, journaling, and talking it out with my therapist. I can’t stop the chain of events that take over my body as much as I try to. I wish I had the meds back but I get the scrutiny it brings down on doctors if something happens as a result of my med cocktail. I know yoga, breathing, the 5 senses approach, EFT, and other approaches work for others. Once I figure out a good way to minimize my attacks I will share the good news. Until then, share what you know if the comments.
Anxiety: Common Causes, Symptoms, and Treatment. Retrieved from https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/info/anxiety
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